Now here’s an idea that can’t fail. Two beautiful actresses, excellent supporting cast and nice locations. What you actually get is a horribly broad comedy which fails to take advantage of any of these things (OK, the locations look nice). Cruz and Hayek seem to get along well but never get anything funny to say, while Steve Zahn seems to recognise he’s in a turkey and looks suitably embarrassed. Only Sam Shephard and Dwight Yoakam emerge with any credit, the former because he gets out of the story as soon as possible, and the latter because he’s continually upstaged by his inexplicable haircut.

I should mention a cringeworthy scene where the two stars teach nerdy Zahn how to kiss. This would have seemed stupid in a 70s sex farce, and is executed like one. Maybe it’s because screenwriter Luc Besson has no ear for comic dialogue in English. If I’m being generous.

Apart from that, there are the expected references to Leone and Morricone which work OK, but also some Matrix-like stunts which are completely incongruous. The anti-colonialism plot also harks back to some of the later Spaghetti Westerns but only serves to remind you how good this could have been if it was made for grown-ups.

If you love Westerns as much as me, or if you’re hoping to see some action (if you know what I mean), then you’ll be doubly disappointed by the cheerful PG-ness of the whole thing. Imagine an overlong Benny Hill sketch with a large budget and better actors and you’ve got some idea.

Mild Peril Rating:

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